Regrets about the procedure
by Netta Sloan
Summary: Manga as canon.  Ed's automail surgery.  You may want to read Catheter first.
1. The first plate

He was here; bunched in a corner, gauntlets over his head desperately trying to find some way to block out the sound of the drill; over Ed's objections. He didn't know how it had happened, but somewhere in all the fighting, explaining, and crying over "the upcoming procedure" someone had won him a front row seat. He was beginning to rethink that decision. Ed had waved off most of the explanations for this particular segment, "'Cause I'm not going to feel it." If only he had pulled Granny or Winry aside and asked on his own he could have avoided this dilemma.

People had always admired Ed for his focus, but after five hours of listening to Winry work she was awarded that trophy. Her last words to him had been said over her shoulder in an offhanded way, "We're about to start. Are you sure you want to stay?" He had nodded his affirmative and ten minutes later had his metal face buried in leather hands. He had seen automail before; he knew it was mostly seamless with the skin. He just hadn't given much thought to how it got seamless. Winry had handed Pinako a scalpel and very carefully held Ed's thigh steady. The blade had cut deep and hadn't stopped. All the way around, the entire stump; all that wasted newly-healed skin. As two seams were made and metal pieces gently slipped into the cuts Al had craned his neck to see what they were doing. He heard a wet tearing sound before he saw the flap of skin being slowly pulled up in Winry's hands. He had glanced away, but not buried his head yet. The tearing sound continued for a few more minutes and then Winry had moved. There was Ed's leg, the lower 12 centimeters or so with skin completely torn off; muscles and veins gleaming. Granny was cauterizing all of the larger tears and at this sight Al's head went down, guilt consuming him.

He could only see flashes of things from his new viewpoint for the rest of the operation. As Winry moved back into place he saw a flash of metal and something red-hot. He heard machinery start up slowly; and then the most wretched pleasant sound: teeth in apple pie. Only it wasn't apple pie, it was his brother's flesh and no teeth could be as cruel as the little machine tearing into it. A soft crack sounded and Winry grunted. Something clicked and the whining of the machine rose in pitch accompanied with the sound of breaking branches full of sap. Al ground his gauntlets into his head, wishing for ears he could plug, when Winry stopped the machine. He heard a sigh of relief but didn't look up as the machine began again. Blood and flecks of burnt tissue began to sprinkle onto the floor; the bone chips making a flat ping. He heard running water alternating with sucking; bits of his brother being swept away. It was Granny who moved away this time, returning with a covered cart. Using extra long tongs, Al saw the flash of heated metal move towards the work table. A horrible sizzling noise, fatty bacon in a frying pan, drowned out all others for a few seconds before dying back down. He heard a few sniffles and one hacking cough. Suddenly he was grateful for his lack of smell. The next noise was too loud. A sickening bong accompanied by a splat. Winry pounded the metal plate for what seemed eternity. When the noise finally echoed for the last time Al shifted, catching Granny's attention. She frowned upon following his gaze and sprayed some water in the floor; blood and pieces of Ed washing down the drain. Winry seemed impervious as she reached again for the drill. Carefully, she used the tongs to maneuver a red-hot bolt over the new panel. Aligning drill, bolt, and hole all together she flipped the switch, driving the anchor home. Winry switched the machine off and set it aside. Next gloves were shed as Granny moved to inspect her work.

"Alright, good work, girl. Take 20 while Al and I clean up and heat the next pieces."

Winry didn't say anything, but nodded as she dropped onto a stool beside the table. She took a long gulp of water as Granny swept up and ran a rag over the drill bits. Al stood and grabbed the cart when Granny motioned in his direction and started to follow her out of the room. Hearing a strangled sob he turned back in the act of closing the door. He was just in time to see Winry bury her head on Ed's left shoulder as sobs wracked her. He hesitated but then closed the door behind him.


	2. The second plate

By the time Al and Granny had finished cleaning and heating everything, Winry was back at work. Heavy gloves thrown aside now that the metal was cool enough not to touch, she was swabbing the other half of Ed's exposed leg, getting it ready for the second piece. She looked up when the door opened and smiled as the pair re-entered the room.

"Ready for more? Al, are you sure you still want to stay?" He hesitated at her now cheery demeanor. What had happened to her crying? Had Ed managed to fix it again even though he was unconscious? His eyes flitted from her to his brother.

"I'm ready, but can I help out this time?" Her eyes opened in surprise at first, and then her grin stretched even wider. Granny let out a short snort of amusement before butting in.

"Well, girl, he can always help with the hot stuff. In face, I'll just go work on lunch and leave you two at it."

"-But Granny"

"No buts, you've got this even without my help. Now get on with it." That being said Granny headed through the door. A minute passed in silence during which Al stared at Winry who chewed her lip and glared at the door.

"I bet she just wanted to smoke her pipe some more."

"Probably. Mmmm….what made you want to help? This is an icky job and I'm not sure Ed would want you helping since he didn't even want you to see it."

"…….I don't want to make Big Brother mad. But he's going to be out so it's not like he'll have to know. I haven't been able to be much of a help these last few weeks because I've been moping. Well, if Ed can go forward with this surgery; if you're good and brave enough to do it on your own; then the least I can do is be somewhat helpful."

She had no reply to this, so simply gave him a nod and turned to the work.

"Okay, here's what you can help with. The leg area is already prepped, so we need to drill a hole for the bolt, apply the metal surface, apply the hot bolt into the leg, and then weld it together with the first piece. After that we clean the end of the stump, the part that is still exposed, then wrap it in gauze. When we do the wire part it needs to be very clean but still open otherwise we'll have to cut him again while he's conscious. It's going to be bad enough digging for the nerves and trying to find the live parts without having a bunch of blood get in the way. So what you can do now is hold the leg stead while I drill in the hole. Any questions?"

"Promise you won't tell Brother?"

"Promise. Hold it steady, I'm going to start."

It was weird this time, helping Winry apply the second piece. As bits of flesh and blood flecked onto his gauntlets from the drill he studied Winry's face. She was amazing, her eyes never left the drill and when it struck bone she just set her jaw and kept on going. Sweat beaded on her brow and dripped down her cheeks, but she ignored it. He wondered if her hands hurt from the vibrating of the drill. From there his thoughts wandered to Winry over the years. She had always been there for him. When he and Ed had a bad fight it was always Winry who played mediator. He thought about how he used to fight over marrying her. He wouldn't be able to marry anyone now. He shifted his weight suddenly as that thought crossed his mind causing Winry to instantly shut off the drill, leaving the long part inside of Ed.

"What Al?! You have to hold it steady! If the hole is too big Ed will have to wait until it heals so I can re-drill it! You guys don't have that time to waste!"

As her sharp words cut through his thoughts he shrank in on himself a little.

"Sorry, Winry. It won't happen again. I can do it." She harrumphed in reply before switching the device back on.

As the hours wore on with him steadying Ed's leg or helping place the hot metal on him he found Winry's words echoing in his mind. Did she really have that much faith in Ed that she thought Al would have his body back? He knew that the two of them had spent a lot of time talking alone at night while Ed was sick. Where did this faith come from? How could she look at the two of them and still believe something like that? He watched as finally done, she mopped her face and cleaned the drill bits. Maybe Winry and Ed had made a secret promise, too.


	3. Lunch break

He was thinking, thinking desperately, reciting random science facts about the moon, trying to block out the sound of a very hungry person ravishing a very large meal. After all of the metal pieces were welded, ground, cooled and polished a break was declared. Granny Pinako had finished making lunch and come in to inspect the work. It was declared good and the raw stumpy end of the leg that was still exposed was wrapped very carefully in the "special gauze". Then they had the task of cleaning up Ed and the work area. It was kept as much in order as it could be while the work was going on, but a lot still needed to be done. While Al pushed the cart back to the furnace and swept the floors Granny got to work cleaning all of the tools and drill bits. Winry put on a new set of gloves and did a quick inspection of Ed's physical body; brushing his hair, rubbing lotion on his lips, making sure his I.V. ports were clean, changing his catheter bag, and other things of that sort. Al was very careful to keep his eyes on the floor while Ed was fussed over.

Over Winry's objections they ate lunch at the table, leaving Ed in a darkened surgery room. As the food was gobbled down Al did his best not to compare the sounds and looks of the food to what he'd just witnessed during the surgery. It didn't help that as the mechanics ate the blueprints for Ed's new shoulder were brought out and gone over again.

"I really don't know if putting the top piece on now will leave us enough room to get at the nerves for the grafting."

"Can you bear to drill into Ed while he's conscious?"

"I'm not going to give him sub-par automail just so he won't feel a little pain, Granny."

"Of course not, girl, but-"

"Excuse me." At this they both stopped their arguing and looked up at Al. Seeing he had their attention he continued, "Why couldn't you just do the grafting then knock Ed out for the final drilling again?"

"You mean do what we can now, do the grafting, then schedule another unconscious surgery?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Can't be done."

"Why?" Granny took a long puff on her pipe then arched an eyebrow at Winry. Catching the drift Winry replied in her gentlest voice.

"Because Al, we have to graft the nerves completely and then cover them with the port for the automail. During the covering process we meld that last piece with all of the other pieces. If we wait or change the order then the whole design will be weakened. Also Ed swore he would complete the recovery in one year. I've got to do my best to help him."

"How painful is the grafting going to be?" Winry looked at her grandmother slightly distressed. The old woman blew out her smoke before answering.

"It's going to be horrible. Automail is an entirely unique pain."

"Then I don't think big brother will mind if you have to do the last plate when you do the grafting." At this both pairs blue eyes widened.

"Well, Al. We'll do that then."

Having the question answered they went back to their argument as Al slumped with his head in his hands. _Had he made the right decision? Would Ed really not mind enduring the drilling and burning? What about the smell? _He thought some more about their situation as he stared at his hands. _Would he be as willing as big brother is? _He raised his eyes to watch the Rockbells bicker about the shoulder port and which piece was attached first.

Wires were soon pulled out of pockets with the property of each compared. He was a little taken aback as Winry waved a handful of gold around arguing to put it into Ed. He knew automail was expensive, but gold? He couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Winry, why do you want to put gold in it?"

"It conveys the signals faster and is easier to mold."

Granny interrupted, "yeah, but it breaks down easier, too. I say use aluminum because it is a little stronger if not as fast or exact about relaying the signals."

Al looked back and forth between the two of them. Granny's eyes sparkled with knowledge and experience. He could not read what was in Winry's eyes. _Which of the two of them would Ed side with?_ He looked again at Winry and she met his gaze, eyes blazing with a swirl of unidentified emotions.

"Teacher always says speed is more important than strength in a fight. Besides, I doubt even Ed could break automail."

Granny clacked her teeth together and shoved her aluminum wires back into the front of her apron. Winry was gracious, only letting out a small smile as they moved on to apple pie and the next argument.


	4. The four points

They were back in the surgical room again. It was time to get to work on the plates for Ed's shoulder. After much discussion they had decided to forego applying the port supports today and instead just get all of the attachment points drilled. As Granny and Winry explained it, they would go from top to bottom, back to front. So the first thing they had to do was get Ed and all of his various tubes turned over. They managed to keep the catheter and breathing apparatus in their place, but the I.V. was pulled a little too hard and tore some of Ed's arm. Granny stitched it up while Winry put another one in higher up on his forearm. A support was slid under Ed's body exposing his side. As they got everything situated Al pulled the cart of hot pieces back into the room.

Winry prepared the drill with a new bit as Granny Pinako poked and prodded the ribs under where Ed's arm should be. Using a red marker she drew in the places where the drill should go. Winry frowned as Granny reached out for the tool, but didn't say anything as she handed it over, moving instead to Ed's side and placing her fingers on either side of the rib to be drilled making it stand out for Granny. Squinting a little, the angle was adjusted before the power was kicked on and the cruel little device started up. Al turned away as they worked and instead looked at the piece they were about to install. It was a curious type of screw with a flat end where it should be pointy and hollow on the inside. The inside upon closer examination was just like the outside, full of ridges. As the drill turned off and the awful sucking started Winry looked up to see Al looking at it. Catching on to his curiosity she raised her voice over the sounds.

"Whatcha lookin' at Al?"

"These weird screws. I can't quite figure out how you're going to get them in. The middle is all hollow."

"We have a bit that fits that."

"Okay, but why is it hollow?"

"Ed's automail is going to attach to these screws. I can screw a bolt down into that hollow part. It let's the prosthesis attach directly to the bones for greater stability and movement."

"Well, that's good. But what if someone tries to tear it off?"

At this Winry gave Al a curious look and Pinako looked up from what she was doing. Al shrugged and scratched the back of his metal head.

"Al, if someone is trying to tear Ed's arm off then he probably deserves it."

"yeah, that's true."

Granny just tsked through her teeth and reached out for the tongs. Winry changed the drill bit and showed it to Al. He nodded his understanding as Pinako leveled the hot bit of steel over the newly carved out hole in Ed's side. Holding the tongs steady Winry turned the drill on to its slowest speed and dug the bit into the bolt. When it wouldn't go in anymore Granny reclaimed the drill and notched the power up so both bit and bolt spun together. Al watched as it sunk into Ed's flesh with a hiss until the slight lip made tight contact with the skin. Granny went in until the metal caused the delicate tissue to pucker around it before turning it off. A switch was flipped and Winry took over, turning it to its slowest power and backing the bit out slowly under Granny's watchful eye. The process was repeated three more times into Ed's ribs before a break was taken.

Granny left the room for a smoke leaving Al and Winry in a somewhat awkward silence. Al knew Winry probably wanted a few minutes for herself, but didn't want for her to cry again. _If I just stay here she won't start. _Winry just stood for a minute, idly playing with her gloves before heading to the stool next to the head of Ed's table. She gulped down the stale water there before sneaking a glance back at Al who was watching her without moving. Sighing a little, the glass was set down and she reached out again for Ed, fingertips tracing his jaw. He wore a frown under the breathing mask. As she took a deep breath Al's panic came back; _she's going to cry anyways._ Breaking out of his stupor he stomped his way next to her and plopped down on the floor. Without thinking too much about it he reached up and took the hand not on Ed's face. When she looked over at him he brought his other hand up to the side of the table grasping Ed's lifeless one. Winry smiled at his gesture, seeming to understand. She gently pulled her hand free of the gauntlet opting instead to rest it on the top of Al's helmet. He leaned against her as she began to run her fingers through Ed's hair. They remained that way until Granny came back from her smoke break.


	5. The two points

Granny said nothing about the threesome as she came back in, just watched knowingly as they jumped back from Ed. The task at hand was quickly gotten back to. As Ed was gently repositioned on his stomach Al examined the next two bolts to be implanted.

"Why are these larger?"

"Well, to be a better anchor for starters. There's more room on the bone so we can go larger without hurting anything."

"You mean these aren't going into ribs?"

"Well-" Granny started, but Winry cut in.

"No, they need to support the shoulder while still allowing for normal function of the arm. Since during your transmutation both the clavicle and scapula were left intact we can use them instead of rebuilding. All he really needs is the replacement for the humerus in the socket, but we'll do that part when we attach the port docks. Those are shallow drills and not as bad."

"um….I don't really understand." Winry opened her mouth up to explain further, but Al raised his hands stopping her. "It's okay, it's okay. I can learn more about the bones and stuff later."

"I thought you guys studied this stuff before your accident." Pinako chimed in.

"Well, you see….we wanted to hurry so we did study some stuff, but I mostly learned about the cellular parts. Ed wanted to use real meat, so he might know more about body structure and stuff." Al rubbed the back of his helmet sheepishly as the shame of what they had done and how little knowledge they really had forced it's way out of his subconscious. Winry looked a little green as she replied.

"Whatever. Let's just get these holes drilled. If you want to know more about anatomy I can show you some diagrams after."

"Okay."

Al not really having anything to do, took a closer look around the room as Winry and Granny poked and prodded at Ed's back. Once everything was done he heard the one word he'd been not looking forward to and not expecting during this operation again.

"Scalpel."

His eyes were riveted back to Ed as Granny very carefully made a small incision. She shined a penlight into the wound she had just made as Winry mopped up the blood with some gauze. Al craned his neck doing his best to see what Granny was doing. Metal clips were pushed deep into the tissue and the world began to spin a little as Al saw bone in between Winry's blots. He sat down with a loud clank earning him glares from the two women, and then a look of pity softened Winry's features. She left her gauze and walked towards him.

Putting one hand on his shoulder so his head came up and he looked her straight in the eyes she took a deep breath. "We need to be very careful and not injure Ed's muscles with these two screws. He is going to be using these muscles to move the automail sometimes so they need to be strong and intact with as little scar tissue as possible."

He nodded weakly in reply and she went back to her place beside the table.

This time as the drill went in there was not squishing sound, but instead it cut straight to the tree-filled-with-sap. Al couldn't tell if it was an improvement or not, but the machine stopped whirring sooner, so that was nice. He didn't move to help as he watched Granny lever one of the screws out of its place on the hot rack. Winry once again changed the drill bits and slowly eased the drill in. As the hot piece was applied there was less overall hissing and Al couldn't help standing up to see it. This one was not ground in tight like the ones in the ribs but instead the flesh was allowed to settle and sear onto it slowly with only the slightest bit of dimpling. Fresh gauze was immediately taped to the first hole and attention was turned to the next slit.

He watched quietly as the process was repeated. _I wonder which of these holes is going to hurt the most when Ed wakes up. Or maybe his leg will hurt more than all of them combined. _He noticed that there were little bruises forming on the shadows of Ed's ribs near the first four holes. _Winry's fingers._ He had never thought her the delicate type, but seeing those bruises was still a shock.

"Al.."

"Alphonse!"

"Huh?"

"I said we're finished with the back, would you help us roll Ed back over?"

"Oh, uh, sure."

He snapped out of his daze and moved to the bed to help. _I wonder if I'll ever get used to being so much bigger. _He couldn't help his eyes falling back to those little bruises. _I'll do my best not to do that until I get my body back….unless Ed picks a fight, _he promised himself.


	6. The final point

Getting Ed turned back over so he was lying on his back turned out to be even more of an ordeal than getting him on his tummy. Making sure the gauze wasn't moved out of place took a little bit of patience along with the various tubes. Then the table had to be moved. This last bolt was the most difficult. Al pulled the table out a couple of feet so both mechanics could fit at the head of it together. It then had to be carefully lowered another 9 cm or so for easier reach. Al watched as they levered it into place, then passed Winry a roll of soft tape. Ed's head was very gently taped to the flat hard surface it was resting on. Then came the hunt for the right spot.

Granny's hands poked and prodded at the clavicle. Al was sure the treatment would leave more bruises. When she was finally happy with her she gestured something to Winry. Two silver clips were pulled off of a nearby tool stand. The first was very carefully placed directly over the clavicle, the skin pulling almost painfully so the bone stood out in sharp relief. The second clip looked worse. It was positioned sideways right on the end, the wings digging into the trachea and sternum. The skin was pulled so tightly Al was afraid the bone would burst out with Ed's next breath. When the next breath passed and no bone popped up he was a little relieved. The bit mark was drawn right on the head of the bone. It wouldn't leave much room for bone around the bolt. He could understand now why this one was the worst.

Granny reached for the drill, then seemed to pause in consideration. Wordlessly she passed it to Winry whose eyes grew wide. Looks were exchanged which Al couldn't interpret before Winry set her jaw and narrowed her eyes. She nodded once, to herself or to Ed Al couldn't tell, then set the bit. The sound was the worst of all as Winry kept the drill on low while going through the bone. It seemed to take forever to pass through. Blood was running freely down Ed's chest and neck, but Granny didn't move to wipe it. Al wondered if he should, and then decided against it. The tip of Winry's ponytail was slowly turning red beside Ed's head. Al looked away disgusted. He knew he couldn't bear to wash his brother of his own blood later.

When the drilling finally stopped he looked back to see the blood finally being mopped up. Irrigation and suction were started so the wound was clean. Granny carefully inspected all of the ridges with a pen-light.

"The fourth ridge, dorsal edge is a little bent in. Grab the long file and fix it."

He watched as Winry picked up another long pick like piece with a little round mirror on the end, then she grabbed what looked like a tiny dolly. She inserted both pieces into the hole and began to tinker a little. Al looked on in interest. When she was finished Granny shined the light in and checked again.

"Looks good, let's flush it once more then you can do the bolt."

Winry nodded and let loose a small stream of water. More sucking followed but it was mostly clear with little flecks of red. Satisfied with their cleaning job, Granny grabbed the tongs. The hot bolt was again fed onto the drill and then Granny moved back. Winry didn't even notice as she focused on getting the exact perfect angle. She narrowed her eyes one last time, and then hit the switch. The little machine started up in high gear and she quickly ground the bolt home. Skin was pressed and dimpled with one of the metal clips bouncing free of its bone perch. Al could have sworn he saw a tear fall on Ed's cheek before she turned off the machine. Winry looked up with a broad smile.

"All done!"

"Good work. Let's clean up and go eat."

Ed was wiped clean of any last traces of blood. His bags of nutrients and wastes were changed as Al helped sweep and wipe down equipment. Looking over at Winry he followed her ponytail as it whipped around in the air. It still had his brother's blood in it. _Gross. I wonder if I should tell her._ In the end he opted not to as he followed her and Pinako out of the room.

It wouldn't be until later that night, as he was taking out the trash, that he thought of blood and hair again. There had been blood in Ed's hair. He fidgeted for a few minutes outside, wondering if he should bring it up before heading back in. He walked back to the surgery room planning on just taking care of it himself when he noticed that there was a light coming from under the door. He carefully opened it a crack, grateful that Granny kept all of the hinges in the house well oiled. Ed was propped up on a stack of pillows laid over his legs. His eyes were still closed, the breathing apparatus still in, and he looked completely limp. Winry sat on a stool to his left, a rag in her hand and a bottle of her shampoo on the floor beside her. Somewhere he could hear water trickling. He was about to go in when he heard her whisper.

"I'm sorry, Ed."

Quickly backpedaling, he shut the door as quietly as he possibly could and went to find Den for a game of fetch. _I'm sorry, too, Brother._

_Authors Note: 11/08/07 Fixed a typo in the first paragraph. Made a few changes to the last paragraph to make positions and actions a little easier to imagine. Thanks Ishte for pointing these things out._


End file.
